Right Here, Right Now

Someone once said, "If we stopped trying so hard not to be miserable, perhaps we'd truly be happy." I'm not sure who said that. Probably somebody famous. The point is, it's true. We, as humans, tend to think about all the mistakes we've made in the past. Things we should have said, things we shouldn't have done, people we should have stabbed with very sharp objects through one or both eyes...

We also tend to worry about the future. What kind of career will I have? How much money will I make? Am I going to die in a firey plane crash on my way to the Bahamas next week?

How much thought do we put in the now? I'd say close to zero. Think about how many times a day you stop and say, "I really like this ice cream" or "that baby over there makes me smile". More than likely, your answer is not enough.

These past few months, I've been wallowing around in my own misery wondering what I'd done wrong to deserve two failed relationships, a mother who's going through her third divorce, moving back in with my parents, and having no job or money or friends.

Yeah, it sounds like a hellhole, but haven't you had worse at some point?

On top of all that, I started worrying if my acting career was ever going to take off, or if my writing was good enough to warrent payment. I started to worry I'd end up some hobo because I couldn't stand to work at a desk.

And all that time I was worrying, I wasn't sleeping right, or eating right. I wasn't getting out and meeting people, or getting a job. Not very productive I'd say.

Then I started realizing as I was talking to a friend online, that he made me smile. There wasn't much to it, but I realized that I was smiling rather a lot. And you know what? It felt good. For fleeting moments, I wasn't thinking about my ex-fiance or my future career turning in cans for coins. And I felt great.

So, the next day, still thinking about the present, I walked my dogs (yes, outside - gasp!). I sent a few resumes in and I cleaned up the house. Every time I finished something, I felt great. I wasn't trying to feel good, it just happened because I wasn't trying to do anything but live.

So, ladies and gentlemen, take time to live. Take a walk outside and watch the birds nesting in the trees, the bees buzzing in the fields, the squirrels doing it on a branch, and enjoy everything around you. It may be the only chance you get to actually feel good about where you are.

Worse Than Hell

The worst part of T-Shirt Hell is back. Worse Than Hell, a part of the website that makes even the most politically incorrect blush, has been reinstated. Aaron Schwartz, owner of T-Shirt Hell, took Worse Than Hell down over a month ago after being poisoned by some idiot who thought that taking a life was well worth a couple of words.

Aaron has now put the majorly offensive t-shirts back up. Good for him. The guy has more guts than I've seen in a long time. Buy some of his shirts. He deserves cash being thrown at him in large amounts.

Too Bored to Write Anything but Angsty Poems

I want to curl up inside of myself,
Keep pulling until there's nothing left,
Like Pavlov's dog salivating
To the sound of my screaming
As if it were the very thing to keep me alive.

All the bodies around me
Writhe in their sweat
To the sound of the music
That keeps them pumping,
And forces me to stand very still in the dark.

The seed in the back of my mind,
Planted there by the one that touched me,
And the others that never did,
Grows in my brain like a twisted ivy
That wraps itself around everything I fear.

The trouble is no matter how still I am,
The pictures keep coming.
The thoughts keep growing
Until I sink down to the floor
And pretend to cry only so I feel.