Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Right Here, Right Now

Someone once said, "If we stopped trying so hard not to be miserable, perhaps we'd truly be happy." I'm not sure who said that. Probably somebody famous. The point is, it's true. We, as humans, tend to think about all the mistakes we've made in the past. Things we should have said, things we shouldn't have done, people we should have stabbed with very sharp objects through one or both eyes...

We also tend to worry about the future. What kind of career will I have? How much money will I make? Am I going to die in a firey plane crash on my way to the Bahamas next week?

How much thought do we put in the now? I'd say close to zero. Think about how many times a day you stop and say, "I really like this ice cream" or "that baby over there makes me smile". More than likely, your answer is not enough.

These past few months, I've been wallowing around in my own misery wondering what I'd done wrong to deserve two failed relationships, a mother who's going through her third divorce, moving back in with my parents, and having no job or money or friends.

Yeah, it sounds like a hellhole, but haven't you had worse at some point?

On top of all that, I started worrying if my acting career was ever going to take off, or if my writing was good enough to warrent payment. I started to worry I'd end up some hobo because I couldn't stand to work at a desk.

And all that time I was worrying, I wasn't sleeping right, or eating right. I wasn't getting out and meeting people, or getting a job. Not very productive I'd say.

Then I started realizing as I was talking to a friend online, that he made me smile. There wasn't much to it, but I realized that I was smiling rather a lot. And you know what? It felt good. For fleeting moments, I wasn't thinking about my ex-fiance or my future career turning in cans for coins. And I felt great.

So, the next day, still thinking about the present, I walked my dogs (yes, outside - gasp!). I sent a few resumes in and I cleaned up the house. Every time I finished something, I felt great. I wasn't trying to feel good, it just happened because I wasn't trying to do anything but live.

So, ladies and gentlemen, take time to live. Take a walk outside and watch the birds nesting in the trees, the bees buzzing in the fields, the squirrels doing it on a branch, and enjoy everything around you. It may be the only chance you get to actually feel good about where you are.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Worse Than Hell

The worst part of T-Shirt Hell is back. Worse Than Hell, a part of the website that makes even the most politically incorrect blush, has been reinstated. Aaron Schwartz, owner of T-Shirt Hell, took Worse Than Hell down over a month ago after being poisoned by some idiot who thought that taking a life was well worth a couple of words.

Aaron has now put the majorly offensive t-shirts back up. Good for him. The guy has more guts than I've seen in a long time. Buy some of his shirts. He deserves cash being thrown at him in large amounts.


Thursday, June 09, 2005

Too Bored to Write Anything but Angsty Poems

I want to curl up inside of myself,
Keep pulling until there's nothing left,
Like Pavlov's dog salivating
To the sound of my screaming
As if it were the very thing to keep me alive.

All the bodies around me
Writhe in their sweat
To the sound of the music
That keeps them pumping,
And forces me to stand very still in the dark.

The seed in the back of my mind,
Planted there by the one that touched me,
And the others that never did,
Grows in my brain like a twisted ivy
That wraps itself around everything I fear.

The trouble is no matter how still I am,
The pictures keep coming.
The thoughts keep growing
Until I sink down to the floor
And pretend to cry only so I feel.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Robert Smith

I wanna be like Robert Smith
I wanna be like dead
Write songs about pain and death
And sleep with all the coolest chicks
I wanna be like Robert Smith

I want to write lyrics
That are deep and meaningful
Not the kind of crap
That you're hearing now

The other day my girlfriend heard you
Singing on the radio
She fell in love and now she left me
To rock with the goth crowd

She told me I'm too shallow for her
And all I do is watch tv
I'm not at all like Robert Smith
She says he's just like a dream

If I ever meet you, Robert
If I don't knock you out
I'll find a way to switch bodies with you
and then I'll be singing lullabies

Oh, cure me from my pathetic life
Cure me of my fate
Make me as good as Robert Smith
Oh Lord please make me great

{p.s. The comments are working again...hint hint}

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Buy Me Stuff, Damnit

Why should celebrities get all the cool stuff? They just say the word and people who have less money than they do send stuff to them. Paul McCartney gets flowers, James Marsters gets Pez...Well, I want t-shirts. And I don't think I should have to be a rock star or a vampire to get one.

So, here's my wishlist from T-shirt Hell, one of my favorite store sites on the internet. Go ahead. Treat me like a celebrity. Now.


If you liked the article above which seemed to almost, but not quite, include satire and sarcasm, you'll like my comments section. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work right now.

I can't for the life of me remember how the hell I added the comments section in the first place and now I have to go and fix it. I have no clue how to go about this, so if any of you readers (yes, that includes you, Mom) can help me out, please email me at Pmacca01@yahoo.co.uk. I'd really appreciate any help I can get.


Wednesday, April 27, 2005


It's amazing how fucking stupid humanity can be.

You don't ever realize how much it surrounds you and flows through you until some random event makes you sit up and say "Now 'ang on a minute!"

We go through life kicking others when they're down and judging others by some set of standards that are pounded into our brains from birth. How is it that other-wise wonderfully interesting and beautiful people go off and shoot their peers or blow their brains out or simply live to destroy themselves and others around them? It's us. We do it to each other.

A few days ago, a girl at my work threatened to kill herself. She accidentally imparted this information by saying it to herself in Spanish when I was sitting next to her. She wasn't really sure if I spoke Spanish or not. I did. I had spent the past few months basically brushing this girl off like she was the lowest of the low. Some stupid piece of dirt, some bint who din't know which way was up. I started talking to her that day, and I felt like shit afterwards. She's an extremely intelligent person with so much of a history, it's amazing. I continue to talk to her every day, looking foward to our lunch hour where we can talk about anything from philosophy to that time the fry cook fell on his ass while trying to do some stupid dance.

As much as I like to say I'm not prejudice or that I treat everyone equally or how I'm open-minded, I'm just as bad as everyone else. Hopefully, I'll learn from this experience and look deeper into the people who walk around me. Everyone is interesting enough to notice.

I'm not sure, but I think she seems happier now. She's moved out of her abusive mother's house and she seems to be doing all right. She's invited me over for some tea and some soccer, two things we both love. Hopefully a new friendship will form over some Manchester United and a nice cuppa.


Friday, April 22, 2005

I'm Under Your Spell

Well, I have a new link you can visit if you want. It's all about Buffy, so if you don't like it, don't come. If you do. Come here.

I'm doing this because a)I said I would and b)I'm lonely and I need someone to talk to.


This is Planet Earth

Happy Earth Day.

Today is the day that we celebrate the great goddess: Nature. Now whether you believe in multiple deities, One Great Deity, or nothing at all, Nature is one to be revered. Nothing is more powerful, loving, or nurturing. So please, as you would take care of a loving mother, take care of our Earth. Here are a few things you could do today:

1. Gather a team or go solo and pick up the trash around your neighborhood.
2. Plant a few trees.
3. Start a garden. Nothing makes you feel closer to Mother Earth.
4. Have lunch in a park instead of a restaurant.
5. Start recycling.
6. Go to the Beach.
7. Go Hiking.
8. Spread the word.

There are tons of things you can do this Earth Day or any other day of the year. Please don't neglect this earth. You don't have to be a Hippy to appreciate nature.


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